If you’re someone with a uterus and ovaries, you’ve undoubtedly experienced a menstrual cycle. A dance of hormones that fluctuate up and down to produce a gamete (egg) to potentially fertilize and grow into another human.

If that gamete isn’t fertilized, the lining of the uterus sheds, known as menstruation. It’s also commonly referred to as ‘bleeding’. And then the cycle repeats itself on a (mostly) monthly basis.

It all seems so simple, right?

That conceiving a baby is super easy.
That once we hit puberty, the body is in ‘optimal’ fertility all the time.
That when we want to have a baby, we just have sex and BOOM, baby.

I honestly believe that’s what we’re taught in school because having a baby is SERIOUS business. And we want to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

For some reason, biology grants us the ability to become a parent WAY before we’re psychologically ready.
I mean having a baby at 11 or 12? It’s biologically possible, but we can all agree an 11 year old is still a child.

And so we’re taught that having babies is easy and that we need to take every measure possible to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

But happens when we DO want to get pregnant, and we’re not able to?
What happens when getting pregnant isn’t as easy like they taught in school?
What happens when we deviate from the ‘normal’ 28-35 day menstrual cycle?

The menstrual cycle is unique to every individual who experiences one. There are also so many physiological and psychological factors that can influence a menstrual cycle.

Here’s what they really should have taught you in school about menstrual cycles.

There’s more than just ‘the birds & the bees’…
Timing is key.

Around the age of 10 or 11, depending on what grade you’re in, you’re taught the ‘Birds and the Bees’, a metaphor for the mechanics of reproduction. It’s most often taught as part of school curriculum.

All of a sudden you learn where babies ‘come from’, how they’re made, and how the body changes during puberty.

It’s a fascinating concept really. Although rarely is it taught in such fashion.

We learn about gametes, male sperm, and female eggs, and that together, they make babies. Sperm + egg = baby

Sperm meets egg during sex. But what is sex? In simple terms, it’s a relationship between two people. And as we get older, we learn sperm can meet egg artificially via IUI (intrauterine insemination) or IVF (invitro fertilization).

But there is so much more involved in conceiving a baby than the simple mechanics. The timing of the mechanics to optimize pregnancy or to prevent pregnancy is rarely covered in grade school curriculum.

Even as we progress into high school, the topic of reproduction changes focus from ‘how to make a baby’, to ‘how to have safe sex’.

And rarely does that include empowering people with menstrual cycles.

We’re taught to believe that pregnancy can happen at ANY TIME. And so to always use protection against unwanted pregnancy.

In theory this is true. No two menstrual cycles are the same, and it would be negligent to tell adolescents to have unprotected sex.

But what we aren’t taught in school, is how to tell WHEN, during someone’s menstrual cycle, they are most fertile.

Especially if their menstrual cycle falls outside the ‘normal’ range…

The menstrual cycle explained

The simplest way to describe the purpose of a menstrual cycle, is that it is the body’s way of preparing for pregnancy through a series of changes in hormone production.

On average, a menstrual cycle will last 21-35 days.
Day 1 of the cycle is the first day of menstruation (bleeding aka your period).
Bleeding lasts on average 2-7 days.
Ovulation (release of an egg) occurs between Day 14-21.
And menstruation will occur 14 days after ovulation, starting the cycle again.

See the example below:

Every person’s menstrual cycle is different. Charting or keeping track of your menstruation can help you determine your average cycle length and fertile period.

Knowing your fertile period or ‘window’ is essential for family planning and trying to conceive.

Charting can also help you determine if you fall outside of ‘normal’ cycle length or menstruation. It may help you determine if you should consider seeking health care advice about managing the length or symptoms of your cycle.

In complex terms, the menstrual cycle is a series of changes in hormone production in preparation for possible pregnancy. Hormones and anatomical components of the body all work in sync to prepare the body as best they can for pregnancy.

Hormones
Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH)
Luteinizing Hormone (LH)
Estrogen and Progesterone

Anatomical Components
Pituitary Gland
Ovaries & Follicles
Uterus
Egg (ovum)

Each hormone and component has their own unique contribution to the menstrual cycle. Suddenly the cycle is now a complex network of interconnected bodily functions.

See below:

When we look at the cycle of hormones, it is also complex. They fluctuate depending on the time in your cycle. See below:

So once we consider all the different aspects and fluctuating hormones, we now have a complex reproductive cycle. And this complex cycle is responsible for FERTILITY.

The reality of fertility

We learn that people who produce sperm become fertile around the time of puberty and are fertile until they die.
Someone who produces eggs on the other hand, is fertile on average only once per month.

If we think about this more critically, someone who produces sperm can impregnant someone who produces eggs, multiple times a day – every single day. While someone who menstruates has the chance of becoming pregnant on average only 12 times per year.

So why does this matter?

Fertility is a two way street of either ‘trying to get pregnant’ or ‘trying to avoid getting pregnant’. Of course, no 16 or 17 year old is TRYING to get pregnant, so it makes sense that schools teach that fertility is a one way street to avoid pregnancy.

Once we decide we want to have children, where is the education pointing us in the direction of successfully getting pregnant? We now know the mechanics of reproduction are only one piece of the fertility puzzle. It’s not as simple as JUST having sex. There are hormones, ovulation, and timing to consider.

What happens when getting pregnant isn’t as ‘easy’ as they described in school?

The Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) [read more about it here] is a great place to start. It’s a form of birth control that focuses on understanding your menstrual cycle, when you ovulate, and when you are most fertile.

I bring up this method of birth control because of its inherent nature to understand someone’s unique biology, and therefore their unique fertility.

Everyone has their own unique fertility. There, I said it.

And understanding your unique fertility is how you take control of your fertility. It empowers your decision making about how to take action and improve your fertility.

Menstrual cycles can change

Trying to prevent unwanted pregnancy twelve times a year doesn’t seem all that bad.
But when you ARE trying to conceive, twelve attempts at becoming pregnant all of a sudden feels like a limited number of opportunities.

Why not prepare for and optimize those opportunities?

Just when you think you’ve got a handle on your fertility, BAM your period is late, but the pregnancy test you took is negative…

It could be that you are indeed pregnant, but tested too soon, and a test a few days later confirms your pregnancy (congrats!). But other times, your period could be late because of a myriad of things.

It’s actually a miracle pregnancy happens at all. If we think about all the moving parts, the hormones and organs that need to be in-sync in order for someone to get pregnant, it becomes a much larger conversation than just the mechanics of sex.

Add to the pile that we are human, and SO MANY things can have an influence on your menstrual cycle.

Stress, illness, lifestyle, and birth control – just to name a few.

When there are internal and external influences on the body, it can affect the menstrual cycle. Why? Because those influences affect your hormones.

Remember those graphs of hormones going up and down all month?

Imagine you get sick, or are under a lot of stress at work, your body will prioritize healing and survival over being able to reproduce. Healing and survival mode can affect the normal ebb and flow of your reproductive hormones and therefore affect when you ovulate and when you menstruate.

Irregularities are the body’s way of letting us know something is ‘off’, OR that you’re pregnant (yay!). But most often people begin monitoring their cycles because they’re having trouble getting pregnant, or they’ve gone weeks (or months) without a period.

Learn about your own menstrual cycle

The fact that your menstrual cycle can change from month to month, or year to year, may seem inconvenient when you’re trying to conceive.

But it’s important to understand that these changes are trying to tell you something. It could be a direct reflection of your lifestyle, the stress in your life and that you need to take action.

It may also seem discouraging that there are only twelve opportunities a year to get pregnant. And I hope you now know there are options available to help you better understand your fertility and optimize your chances of conceiving.

If you’re struggling to get pregnant, thinking there is only one side of the fertility coin can be a tough mindset to navigate. You should know that there is the other side to the fertility coin. Getting pregnant is much more complicated than we were taught.

The menstrual cycle is complex, and so is fertility. But I encourage you to uncover the uniqueness of your own cycle in the interest of taking charge of your fertility.

Want to chat about your unique fertility and your journey to getting pregnant? Send me a note here – I’d love to chat!

For more explanation about menstrual cycles:

For a VISUAL explanation of the different phases of the menstrual cycle, visit the Clue website here (I’m not affiliated with Clue at all. I just love their visual graphics!)

For a DESCRIPTIVE explanation of the menstrual cycle, visit Your Period.ca (by the Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada).

Disclaimer: As a friendly reminder, the information provided by LILEA Parenthood is for general education purposes only and does not constitute any type of medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider about your individual health concerns.

*Always consult your healthcare provider about any irregularities or you have any concerns about your menstrual cycle.
*Always speak to your health care provider about the risks and benefits of all methods of birth control.

What They Should Have Taught You in School About Your Menstrual Cycle

There’s more than just ‘the birds & the bees’…Timing is key.